Silent Night
by MoonSword1994
Summary: The time has come for one final journey into the vast expanse of space. Gavin Shepard, son of Ashley and Derek Shepard, is not as ready for this as he would like to think. A gift for my friend The Darkness Knight.


**A/N: My yearly gift fic for my friend The Darkness Knight.**

* * *

This was not how he expected to celebrate Christmas. Gavin thought he would be at home, on Earth, with his wife, their two kids, and the extended family that seemed to remain a permanent fixture throughout the year. Being up in space was the last place he saw himself.

" _It's going to be fine, Gavin,_ " said Emeline reassuringly from his omni-tool screen. " _The kids understand why they can't be with you, in fact they're working very hard at being extra well-behaved so Santa will bring you home sooner._ "

Gavin smiled. "Those kids. How's your mom?"

" _Fine,_ " replied Emeline with a strained smile. Thinking about her mom always made her think about her dad. " _She's playing with the kids outside. It actually managed to snow here, can you believe it?_ "

"It's a miracle," said Gavin dryly and Emeline laughed. "I'm sorry you couldn't be here, Emmy."

" _I know,_ " she said with a soft sigh. " _But I can't just leave the kids with my mom and jettison off into space. That wouldn't be fair for her and them for that matter. I think it'll be better when Felix gets done with school and can distract her so I don't have to all the time. I know that sounds incredibly ungrateful and narcissistic._ "

"Emmy, you've been with her since your dad died," said Gavin with a knowing smile. "It's more than reasonable that you want a little break."

"We're almost in position, sir," said his second-in-command, Scott Ryder as he stepped off the elevator into Gavin's quarters. "Are you ready?"

Gavin looked away from his cabin's window and nodded. "I am. Is everything in place?"

Scott nodded. "Yes sir, everything is prepared. I'll be waiting in the CIC when you're ready."

"Thank you, Ryder," said Gavin as the other man took his leave. He looked down at his omni-tool and at his wife. "It's time."

Emeline gave her husband a warm smile. " _Don't worry, my love, everything will be just fine. Say hi to everyone for us. We'll see you when you get back. I love you._ "

"I love you, too," said Gavin bravely. "Give my love to the kids."

" _I will,_ " she said and he ended the call.

When he was alone, Gavin sighed heavily. Today was the day he was burying his parents. He supposed it was romantic in a sense, they died only hours apart from each other, but that did not make it any easier. In fact, it made it worse. There was no one to lean on for support. If it were just his father who passed, he would have his mother by his side and vice versa. If it were his mother, he would have depended on his father and he on him. Their joined absence was startlingly blatant today.

Gavin would have brought his wife and children with him if that were possible. The kids had never seen space before and he knew Emeline would enjoy returning and the chance to say goodbye to two people she deeply loved and respected. He felt the same when she buried her father a couple of years ago.

Squaring his shoulders, he reached for the book beside him and then headed for the elevator. The book felt like it weighed a hundred pounds in his grip today. When he arrived at the CIC he let a small smile slip past his lips. His father and mother's friends and former squad mates were here today. Garrus and Tali, Joker and James, Wrex and Liara. They were there at the beginning, so it was fitting there were here at the end.

"I'm glad you all came," said Gavin gratefully. In all honesty, he only made it this far because of the support of his aunts and uncles. "I guess we should get this underway."

"We'll be right behind you, Gavin," said Garrus, his harmonic voice sounded scratchy and older than Gavin ever heard.

Garrus put an arm around Tali's waist, who was wearing a uniform similar to the one she wore during her _Normandy_ days. She wordlessly echoed her husband's sentiments, too overcome with grief to speak properly. Ashley's death did not come as a surprise, she had been fighting her disease for months, but it was Derek's that seemed to have shaken them all. He was in fine health when he died and all the coroner could say was he died of a broken heart.

"Ready, Captain?" asked Scott as he came up, a large metal box in hand.

Gavin looked at it and felt tears welling up in his eyes. The box contained his parents' ashes. "Lead the way, LC."

Scott nodded and headed for the airlock, the others followed behind. Gavin trailed even further behind. The closer he got to saying his final farewell to his parents, the heavier his heart felt and he was not sure he could actually make it through without completely breaking down. He knew no one would hold it against him, he did just lose his parents, but he wanted to be strong for them. All of his life, his parents and his aunts and uncles were the strong ones for him and the rest of the galaxy. Today, he would like to repay the favor in a small way by being there for those he cared for the most.

They finally reached the airlock and Scott opened it. Gavin moved through the small crowd to stand at his side. Scott handed him the metal box and he handed Scott the book; he then knelt down and opened the lid. Carefully he tilted the box and poured the contents onto the airlock floor, watching as the pile grew bigger and the box became lighter. When it was empty, he stood back up and left the airlock, closing the door behind him. Scott handed him the book and took back the metal box. He then pressed the button and the signal went off that the airlock was being opened.

Gavin and the others went to the large window on the CIC and watched as Derek and Ashley's ashes were sent into space. He wanted to cry, he wanted to curse the galaxy for taking his parents away from him but he could not. Instead he felt compelled to use his anger and grief to recite the poem his parents repeated endlessly to their family and each other. He opened the worn book in his hands, his grandfather's volume of Tennyson, and found the page without even looking:

" _Death closes all: but something ere the end,_

 _Some work of noble note, may yet be done,_

 _Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods._

 _The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:_

 _The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep_

 _Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,_

 _'Tis not too late to seek a newer world._

 _Push off, and sitting well in order smite_

 _The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds_

 _To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths_

 _Of all the western stars, until I die._

 _It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:_

 _It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,_

 _And see the great Achilles, whom we knew._

 _Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'_

 _We are not now that strength which in old days_

 _Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;_

 _One equal temper of heroic hearts,_

 _Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will_

 _To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield_ _._ _"_

He finished the reading and looked back at the expanse of space in front of him with tears in his eyes. He could see his parents' ashes glittering by the light of a nearby sun and it made the heavy weight in his heart feel a little bit lighter. They were still together and they were still with him, even if he could not see them or know exactly where they were. Death was not the end and they would spend the rest of eternity among the stars they loved so much.

Gavin spun the gold band on his left ring finger. When he got home in a couple of days, he resolved that he would hold Artemis and Kaidan just a little bit longer and kiss Emeline just a little more deeply. He would ensure that they knew just how much he loved them and when his time came to be with his parents again, it would be with an outpouring of love in his heart. Love they taught him and encouraged, love he came by when he met Emeline and when they had their children. When he was sent back to the stars, to explore the rest of eternity, he hoped he could go as peacefully and as well loved as his parents.

"God speed, Commanders Shepard."


End file.
